Title: A Christmas Prince: The Royal Baby

Rating: 1 out of 5

Where to Watch: Netflix

Runtime: 85 Minutes

SPOILER WARNING!

Dear Netflix,

I have many questions following my watch of A Christmas Prince: The Royal Baby. First off, I think that a second and third installment was unnecessary. You really had lightning in a bottle with the first one that you were never quite able to recatch. Besides the seeming lack of effort in this corporate cash grab, I can’t even write a proper review on it. 

For a moment there I thought you had completely recast Rose McIver because this promo stuff does NOT look like her. Be better with the photoshop, please. I also wondered throughout the movie if the reason Amber was constantly holding the baby bump was because the fake belly just wasn’t attached to Rose McIver.

But now that I have that out of the way, I have questions about the actual plot of this movie. The B Plot of The Royal Baby is based around the treaty of Aldovia and Penglia that was signed in 1419 and I’d like to know some logistics. 

If this treaty is 600 years old and has been resigned every century, but in The Royal Wedding we’re told that Aldovia is 700 years old. So what was Aldovia doing before they established a monarchy? Was is a series of tribes or was it just pure anarchy or did the monarchy exist in isolation? How badly did the plague hit them, or did it completely miss them?

Officially how old is Aldovia?

If Aldovia has been around since presumably 1319, they were around for the rise and fall of many empires. I know Aldovia no longer has a standing army but obviously they had a pretty big one. What was their stance on imperialism? With an army this big, they had to have been a powerhouse if they chose to invade other countries.

It’s not like they’re an isolated country, they’re smack dab in the middle of Europe. They would have been around for World War I AND World War II, so was Aldovia apart of the Allies, the Axis Powers, or were they neutral like Switzerland?

In the movie, we see a map of Aldovia, Penglia and a third country called Belgravia. I’d like to know more about Belgravia and their deal in all of this. Are they the neutral party in all of this? Did Belgravia become the initial battleground all those years ago? 

If these countries are in Eastern Europe does that mean that the current countries of Eastern Europe don’t exist or is the span of it much larger? Were the Aldovians colonized or were they the colonizers? There are no people of color in this country that I could see up until this movie. Speaking of, where are the people of color Netflix?

If there are no people of color, does that mean Aldovia wasn’t involved in the slave trade? Did they ever engage in a civil war? Were they aware of the American Revolution?

What’s Aldovia’s independence status? Are they apart of the United Nations or the European Union? Does Aldovia receive outside aide? What’s their relationship with the United States like? Does Amazon deliver to Aldovia? What about Starbucks?

I’d also like to know how Aldovia makes money? What’s their main export? Are they strictly importers? If so how do they make money? Are they the sole provider of Adamantium or something, because there’s no way that a country lasts 700 years and multiple world conflicts without selling something good.

Is the country just living off of the ad revenue of Amber’s blog online? Does a soon to be mommy blog generate that kind of money?

If Aldovia is just finally just entering into the 21st Century, when exactly did sorcery fall out of style? If you’re going to have a cursed treaty, what was the extent of supernatural creatures in Aldovia? Do Aldovian’s have their own version of Hogwarts? (Although this may be a question better served to J.K. Rowling)

Also, if this cursed treaty is so important, how exactly did Mr. Little get away with stealing it without anybody knowing? How did he manage to hide the treaty in that crack without completely destroying it? It’s literally held together with 500-year-old yarn.

I’d also like to know the logistics to your holiday movie cinematic universe. If Aldovia is a made-up country, specifically for this movie, how can a time-traveling knight know about it? If you can watch A Christmas Prince on Netflix, and it’s seemingly made up, where do the Vanessa Hudgins movies fit into all of this?

If you could please send your answers to my questions in full I’d really appreciate it.

I implore you to not make any more of these movies. Don’t even think about making a spinoff of Simon and Melissa, or a flashforward to Elleri as a formative young adult. Please, my sanity begs of you. The horse is very dead. But knowing you, you probably will. Just cut back on the push-pull zoom, please. If I have to see it one more time in these movies my eyes will fall out of my head.

Thanks,

Management

 

You can read my reviews of A Christmas Prince and The Royal Wedding to see what you probably didn’t miss.