Title: A Christmas Prince

Rating: 3 out of 5

Where to Watch: Netflix

Runtime: 92 Minutes

 

With the third installment of A Christmas Prince releasing December 5th, I figured I should have seen what all the hype was about. I didn’t really feel the need to watch it when it first released in 2017, but in the spirit of broadening my horizons, I figured why not.

A Christmas Prince follows the story of an aspiring journalist who’s been sent abroad to get the scoop on a dashing prince who’s poised to be king.

If you’ve seen any Hallmark movie ever, this is a very familiar plot to you.

This movie was so bad it was actually kind of good. No one in this movie has any chemistry with anyone, and my eyes almost rolled out of my head the whole time I don’t know how they managed to pull it all together at the end but I actually found myself wanting to watch the second and third installments. I’m honestly just as shocked as you are. 

So if you have no plans on watching A Christmas Prince and it’s sequels, let me lay out what happens for you. Fair warning of spoilers ahead.

SPOILER WARNING FROM HERE ON OUT

Our story starts in what people want New York to look like in the winter, instead of what it actually is. We meet Amber (Rose McIver) where she works as a copy editor at “Not Buzzfeed”. She aspires to be a “real journalist” someday.

All of about two minutes in she gets a major assignment in Aldovia (a country apparently everyone knows about?), where she’s to find out what happens if the “Playboy Prince” abdicates. (for those that don’t know what that means like me, abdication is an act of abdicating or renouncing the throne.)

We see some stills of the prince, who is the most bland looking white dude I think I’ve ever seen in my life, and Amber makes a comment about how he’s not her type. Ma’am, I’m pretty sure the premise of this movie is that you’re going to fall in love with him.

Amber’s dad Rudy owns a cute little diner which I adore. She breaks the news to her dad that she won’t be around for Christmas and he seems very chill about it. Amber flies to Aldovia which has a surprisingly big airport for a very tiny European country that I’m supposed to know about. I’m guessing it’s a European country since everyone has a British accent yet none of them are the same?

Amber gets her cab stolen by a guy who looks like he makes his own off-brand indie music. This man can only be the prince I assume. 

She gets shuttled to a press conference, where color me shocked she was one of like three women journalists there. The conference gets canceled but young and ambitious Amber will be damned if she leaves without a story. 

So she does the most reasonable thing and commits the crime of breaking and entering to a royal castle. The guard that catches her thinks she’s the princess’s new tutor. She now adds to her crime identity theft to the list and goes along with it and is now telling everyone her name is Martha.  I mean come on what kind of royal family doesn’t vet the people they know aren’t supposed to be there?

So now we see that indie-rock man with the beard is actually Prince Richard (Ben Lamb). We meet Princess Emily (Honor Kneafsey) who’s just very rude but I assume she’s going to be loveable by the end of the movie. 

Only 15 minutes in the movie is when she’s now worried about her legal repercussions of breaking and entering and identity theft. She also didn’t think this tutoring thing through because she doesn’t know math at all. Or how to lie apparently.

Somehow I’m surprised we get two more movies about lying and deception.

Emily has spina bifida, which is now used as sympathy points and I’m not about the exploitation of disabled people for inspiration porn.

Richard has now shaved and is bland and boring again. RIP beard I really liked you.

Emily invites Amber to Christmas cocktails and amber is super sleuthing by holding up her phone in portrait mode. She’s also holding her very expensive glass in a way that is making me very nervous for someone who has a habit of breaking things in the castle.

Lord Duxbery aka Simon is what we call a big baby douchebag. He wants the throne from Richard as well as the conflicting love interest Sophia who wants to be queen. (after looking it up is not played by supergirl like I originally thought.)

Amber catches Richard playing the piano and it’s at this point I really have a problem with this costume design. Emily knows that Amber is actually a reporter and not a tutor and promises to keep her secret as long as Amber writes the truth about her brother.

My gut is telling me that this will come back to bite her in the ass maybe via Sophia.

So now Emily and Amber are BFFS and becoming closer. They start to bond more by going sledding only to be interrupted by Richard. A snowball fight ensues and of course Richard tumbles onto Amber and they have a moment and I guess at this point we’re supposed to understand that they’re falling for each other.

Amber is still on the snoop for her story and ends up following Richard to his father’s old hunting cabin in the woods. In case your keep count this is criminal offense number three. He saves her from wolves because this is now Beauty and the Beast apparently. They have some unsupervised alone time. They almost kiss after reading a poem written by Richard’s dead father. They get interrupted by the horses freaking out, and Amber continues to sleuth.

She finds a hidden secret compartment with legal documentation that Richard is actually adopted, which will obliterate his claim to the throne. She steals the documents (offense number four) and takes them back to the palace with her. 

At first, I thought that maybe Richard’s father was adopted because they have the same name, but that would have been too good of a plot idea. 

Amber is now battling her moral conflict over breaking the story of Richard’s lineage.

Sophia suddenly gets jealous of the time that Richard and Amber are spending together and decides to kiss Richard and (shocker) Amber saw. At this point, I’m supposed to believe that Amber and Richard are pining for one another. Richard shows up at Amber’s door where all of the documents are splayed out (how he didn’t see I don’t know) to ask her to go on a walk.

She tries to tell Richard the truth except he kisses her and she just doesn’t. He invites her to be his date at his coronation.

Meanwhile, Sophia and Lord douchebaby are breaking into Amber’s room with a bobby pin to a door that’s presumably unlocked. They uncover the documentation that Amber carelessly left about and decide to take both Amber AND Richard down at the coronation. 

Richard decides that he really does want the throne except PSYCH his while life is about to get snatched from him.

Emily gives Amber a full makeover for the Christmas Coronation Ball. We get the cheesy moment of Amber coming down the stairs in her dress (complete with converse because she’s quirky like that). Richard and Amber have a cute first dance before the coronation and they almost kiss again.

The whole plot gets exposed in a very public fashion and Simon tries to ascend the throne. Simon marries Sophia and is about to be king when Amber shows up with an amendment to the law that allows Richard a claim to the throne, and then goes back home to New York. She quits her job at not Buzzfeed and goes to work for her dad at the diner. She starts a blog online (if you watch it you’ll know) about the royal family.

It’s now New Year’s Eve and Richard shows up to the diner and STRAIGHT UP PROPOSES. THEY HAVE NOT EVEN GONE ON A SINGLE DATE AND HE IS PROPOSING. They get their epic New Year’s kiss after she says yes and that’s it. That’s the movie, roll credit, we’re primed for a sequel.

This was awful I can’t wait to watch the next part.